just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
