Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
