IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
