Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
