I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
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My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
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When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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