The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
