I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
