Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
