The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wish i was in the wii world.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
