so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He better not be in your backpack
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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