haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
