Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
