Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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