Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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