I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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