i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
