get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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