The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
