when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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