I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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