The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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