your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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