just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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