I can't watch pbs sober anymore
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
