Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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