He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
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that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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