Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
