Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
