I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
