She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
