Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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