Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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