well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
