You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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