Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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