Moan for me like Helen Keller
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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