Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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