somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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