If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
