I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
