How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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