Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I hate all girls vehemently.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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