You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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