better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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