Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I need a burrito and a hug.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
