i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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