Me too!
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm bleeding and have questions
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
