I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
