She's the barista slut.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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