dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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