She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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