yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
