you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day