...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
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I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
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I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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