She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.