i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.