I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.