So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life