I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I understand Curling. That high.
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Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
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Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with