At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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