Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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