Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I look better un-naked...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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