I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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