he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
