He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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