No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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