we have officially lost it.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
