someone threw a dead crab at me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
