Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
