I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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