Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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