***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
