I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
