I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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