Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
And then he peed in my hair
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