You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
