I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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