Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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