The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
my liver is dry heaving
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
