She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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